Grace. A simple word yet such a hard act to make. Grace by definition means, "disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency" (Merriam-Webster Dictionary). An instance of kindness. Just one instance of kindness shows grace yet we struggle so much to have grace with people--to show them an instance of kindness.
I heard someone describe grace like this: Let's say you get pulled over by a cop. You were definitely speeding so you deserve a ticket. Grace is the cop saying he will pay the ticket for you. You still technically got the ticket, but the cop decided to pay the price of your ticket instead of making you pay. That situation is easy. Some of us could say, yeah we might pay a ticket for someone if they needed us to. But, let's make the situation harder.
Say your boyfriend confesses to you that he's struggling with looking at porn. He doesn't want to and he knows it's wrong, but late at night when he feels lonely and depressed, the habit creeps back in and he can't say no. He knows that it hurts you when he tells you, but the foothold the devil has is too strong and your boyfriend has a hard time fighting it. OR say your girlfriend struggles with gossip and exaggerating stories. She knows she does it and she knows it's stupid, but when it comes to girls night out, she just wants the girls to listen so she exaggerates. She wants that wow factor in her story. She confesses it to you and tells you that she may have exaggerated a story about your friends and how ridiculous they are. What now?
The girlfriend can shame the boyfriend and make him feel this big (imagine me putting my index and thumb slightly apart to make a tiny person). The girlfriend can run to her friends and tell them about how awful it is that her boyfriend looks at porn and how that makes her feel like she's not pretty enough for him. The girlfriend has another choice though, she can show grace and show love in this situation. She can tell her boyfriend that it hurts her and that she wishes he would stop. She can suggest coming up with a plan of attack for when the boyfriend gets really tempted. She can show grace. She can show an instance of kindness.
In terms of the girlfriend's struggles, the boyfriend can get angry and yell. The boyfriend can tell her that she does this so much and it's starting to get really old. The boyfriend can say how embarrassing it is that she can't just keep her mouth shut when she's around her friends. The boyfriend has another choice though, he can show grace. He can tell his girlfriend that he is thankful that she confessed. He can tell her that he understands that it's hard not to want to share everything with your closest friends. He can sit there and listen to her while she tells him what makes it so difficult and why she feels she needs to gossip sometimes. Then, he can suggest a plan of attack for when she struggles with it the most. They can come up with safe topics to talk about for the girlfriend to use when out with friend. He can help her figure out how to dodge questions from friends that might entice her to gossip. He can show grace. He can show an instance of kindness.
That boyfriend was my husband at one time. That girlfriend was me. Clay and I struggled through this before we got married. The cool thing, though, is that we both were able to show grace and not be angry. When grace abounds, love grows stronger. I truly believe that and it's what continues to happen as Clay and I have to continue to show grace in our marriage.
When's the last time someone hurt you? Did you show them grace or belittle them? People mess up. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt. I'm not saying it okay for them to mess up, but what I am saying is that people mess up and we have a choice to either shame them and belittle them or help them make it right. We have the chance to show grace and help them through their struggle (pending they want the help).
Confessing what you did wrong to the person you wronged is the hardest thing to do, but it makes it easier knowing that the person you wronged is known for showing grace. Honestly, it makes you want to stop hurting them because they're so nice about it and you hate that they don't just yell and make you feel awful because you feel like they should. The more grace Clay shows to me, the more I want to get my act together. I don't want to hurt someone who loves me. I don't want to make him upset again. I want to make him the happiest man alive.
Ultimately, it's up to you whether you want to show grace or not, but remember, showing grace is Christ-like and has a much better success rate in helping the one who wronged you to get over their struggles than yelling does because where grace abounds, love grows stronger. Try it. I promise it's worth it. My marriage can testify to the fact that showing grace definitely makes the love stronger.
I heard someone describe grace like this: Let's say you get pulled over by a cop. You were definitely speeding so you deserve a ticket. Grace is the cop saying he will pay the ticket for you. You still technically got the ticket, but the cop decided to pay the price of your ticket instead of making you pay. That situation is easy. Some of us could say, yeah we might pay a ticket for someone if they needed us to. But, let's make the situation harder.
Say your boyfriend confesses to you that he's struggling with looking at porn. He doesn't want to and he knows it's wrong, but late at night when he feels lonely and depressed, the habit creeps back in and he can't say no. He knows that it hurts you when he tells you, but the foothold the devil has is too strong and your boyfriend has a hard time fighting it. OR say your girlfriend struggles with gossip and exaggerating stories. She knows she does it and she knows it's stupid, but when it comes to girls night out, she just wants the girls to listen so she exaggerates. She wants that wow factor in her story. She confesses it to you and tells you that she may have exaggerated a story about your friends and how ridiculous they are. What now?
The girlfriend can shame the boyfriend and make him feel this big (imagine me putting my index and thumb slightly apart to make a tiny person). The girlfriend can run to her friends and tell them about how awful it is that her boyfriend looks at porn and how that makes her feel like she's not pretty enough for him. The girlfriend has another choice though, she can show grace and show love in this situation. She can tell her boyfriend that it hurts her and that she wishes he would stop. She can suggest coming up with a plan of attack for when the boyfriend gets really tempted. She can show grace. She can show an instance of kindness.
In terms of the girlfriend's struggles, the boyfriend can get angry and yell. The boyfriend can tell her that she does this so much and it's starting to get really old. The boyfriend can say how embarrassing it is that she can't just keep her mouth shut when she's around her friends. The boyfriend has another choice though, he can show grace. He can tell his girlfriend that he is thankful that she confessed. He can tell her that he understands that it's hard not to want to share everything with your closest friends. He can sit there and listen to her while she tells him what makes it so difficult and why she feels she needs to gossip sometimes. Then, he can suggest a plan of attack for when she struggles with it the most. They can come up with safe topics to talk about for the girlfriend to use when out with friend. He can help her figure out how to dodge questions from friends that might entice her to gossip. He can show grace. He can show an instance of kindness.
That boyfriend was my husband at one time. That girlfriend was me. Clay and I struggled through this before we got married. The cool thing, though, is that we both were able to show grace and not be angry. When grace abounds, love grows stronger. I truly believe that and it's what continues to happen as Clay and I have to continue to show grace in our marriage.
When's the last time someone hurt you? Did you show them grace or belittle them? People mess up. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt. I'm not saying it okay for them to mess up, but what I am saying is that people mess up and we have a choice to either shame them and belittle them or help them make it right. We have the chance to show grace and help them through their struggle (pending they want the help).
Confessing what you did wrong to the person you wronged is the hardest thing to do, but it makes it easier knowing that the person you wronged is known for showing grace. Honestly, it makes you want to stop hurting them because they're so nice about it and you hate that they don't just yell and make you feel awful because you feel like they should. The more grace Clay shows to me, the more I want to get my act together. I don't want to hurt someone who loves me. I don't want to make him upset again. I want to make him the happiest man alive.
Ultimately, it's up to you whether you want to show grace or not, but remember, showing grace is Christ-like and has a much better success rate in helping the one who wronged you to get over their struggles than yelling does because where grace abounds, love grows stronger. Try it. I promise it's worth it. My marriage can testify to the fact that showing grace definitely makes the love stronger.